Why parents play a key role in depression in adolescents
Depression in young people is often treated as an individual problem. But looking only at the child means that an important part of the story is missed, says PhD candidate Myrthe Veenman: ‘Parents can make a difference.'
In her dissertation, Veenman studied how symptoms of depression are related to the dynamics in the family. She looked not only at the influence of parents on the child, but also the other way around: what effect does the child have on the parents? ‘We sometimes forget that it’s not a one-way street. Young people can have just as much of an effect on their parents,’ she explains.
If a teenager becomes withdrawn
A recognisable example is a teenager who becomes withdrawn. Distancing oneself is a part of puberty, but in the case of depression, it can lead to isolation. Young people share less and spend more time alone. That can be difficult for parents, who may respond to this behaviour by trying to connect more with their child and asking questions, or by keeping an extra close eye on how things are going.
These responses are generally well intended, but they may unintentionally raise the tension. Even a casual remark like ‘Are you still in bed?’ can come across as harsher than parents intend. It’s not because parents are doing anthing wrong, Veenman stresses, but because the young person is already feeling down and may be more susceptible to negative interpretations. Patterns can be drawn where parents and child may unwittingly reinforce one another’s feelings.
Parents don’t see everything
The research also shows that parents and young people often experience the same situation differently. Young people mostly report more symptoms than their parents observe. Veenman doesn’t find this difference surprising: feelings are generally experienced on the inside. ‘A young person feels what he feels, but parents can’t always see, know or understand how serious something is.’ These different perspectives can lead to friction, but they also provide valuable information. ‘If you take both sides into account, you gain a more complete picture and you can then provide more effective help.’
Parental warmth and greater sadness
One surprising finding was that parental warmth sometimes correlates with greater sadness in adolescents. That seems contra-intuitive, but Veenman warns about drawing too rapid conclusions. It is a correlation, not a causal link. It can just as well be that parents respond more warmly when their child is sad. ‘We don’t know what comes first,’ she says. ‘It‘s quite possible that sadness evokes more warmth.’
That nuance is important because many parents wonder if they are doing the right thing. Mental issues in particular can cause greater uncertainty: Did I say the right thing? Did I respond appropriately? Veenman wants to reassure parents: ‘It’s about patterns over a period of time, not a single moment.’
Think about the parents too
During her research Veenman noticed how little attention is paid to the wellbeing of the parents. 'If a child is struggling with feelings of depression, that affects the parents too. It’s the same as when you have a good friend who is going through a difficult time,’ she says. Yet all the focus in care and research is on the young person.
With this in mind, Veenman is following up her research, including with a course named Strong Together for parents of young people with symptoms of depression. She is also working together with Stichting 113 Suicide Prevention to provide better support for parents who have concerns about suicide. The idea behind this is as simple as it is significant: ‘If you support parents, you also indirectly help the young person.’
Anyone wanting to understand depression in young people cannot ignore the role of the parents and the family. This gives some hope for better treatments that look not only at the child, but also at the system around them.